March 25, 2013
We all, at one point or another, encounter loss in our lives. We grow close to those around us; our family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances influence the very fabric of our being. What then are we to do when they pass away? How could we possibly “get over” this loss and move on with our lives? How are we ever going to get over this pain? The answer to these questions can never be given to you; you must find those answers yourself. The journey is burdensome and many never fully complete it. People try to organize the process by means of categorization (“The 5 stages of Grief”) and others simply take it one day at a time. Make no mistake, loss is painful and can shake our very
understanding of the reality around us. I have my own mindset I’d like to share in hopes that it is, even in the remotest of sense, comfort in your time of pain.
John was only 19 when he heard of his grandfather’s passing. He was just starting college and now had to find the time to travel to the funeral. A plane ticket was purchased and the time away from work and school was arranged. He boarded the plane and began his journey. As he buckled his seat belt he noticed the gentleman sitting next to him, an older man who was quietly writing in a journal. There seemed to be a wisdom about him that John couldn’t quite put a finger on, but he didn’t really care at the moment; he was too upset about the loss of his grandfather and the
interruption to his already busy schedule.
The plane left the ground and just as John started to nod off, the man said, “Where are you headed?”
“The same place you are”, John replied. The man laughed and said, “Quite true. Are you going to visit family?” “Sort of,” John replied. He was not interested in conversation at this point and would much rather be sleeping. The man realized this and decided to conclude their conversation by saying, “No matter. Just remember, it is better to travel well than to arrive.” John didn’t completely follow what he meant by that, and fell asleep shortly after while thinking about it.
John arrived and was greeted by his family who had traveled there from all over the country. Some hadn’t seen each other for several years, and others visited regularly. There were hugs and signs of love as well as the occasional family quarrel. John ignored most of it while his mind drifted through past memories of his grandfather and the realization that those memories will be added to no longer. The funeral service was the next day, and there was much sadness. John was not outwardly sad as was some of his family, but he found nothing that could bring him out of this sorrow that enveloped him like a cloud. My grandfather is dead, and there is nothing I can do about it.
After the funeral, he stepped out of the building and stood outside. It was a warm and sunny day with a slight breeze from the east. As his family started to collect in the parking lot he noticed a young boy and girl, both about 8 years old, playing in the yard next door. They were beaming with happiness playing with a streamer they had, skipping everywhere they went. He watched them for a while and realized that the very act of watching them had lifted his spirit. The recollection of a past moment in his life, not so different from what he was witnessing, had brought him that same joy once again. Thinking back to the funeral service, he remembered seeing his 3 year old cousin fidgeting in the pew, drawing on the program, and loudly showing his mother what he had done without a care or worry in the world. He didn’t know that he’d never see his great grandfather ever again, but it didn’t matter. He had everything he needed and more right here, and right now; the love and care that surrounded him was overflowing. It was then that John recalled what the gentleman on the plane said to him, “it is better to travel well than to arrive.” He surely wasn’t talking about the plane flight; he was talking about life. Love the people and experiences you have right now. All of us reach our destination at one point or another. The path you take to get there, the things you see and experience along the way, and the people you positively influence are malleable aspects of your life. It was in this moment that John’s perspective changed. He would now celebrate the laughing and crying of a child, knowing all the wonderful experiences that child would have in life. He would accept the pain of failure, as it showed he was trying. Most of all, he would come to realize that the sorrow one feels for another upon their departure from this world only shows that they were loved. John wasn’t sure where he was headed or what was next, but he knew that whatever came his way would be accepted with open arms.
